I had a challenging childhood. I had 6 parents; my birth parents, adoptive parents and stepparents. My adoptive parent’s house where I grew up was attached to the tavern my adoptive mom owned. My parents faced a lot of loss and struggle and didn’t have the support to get through it. This drove them apart, and they raised me in reaction to their fears, through the lens of their pain. Having multiple parents, and the fact that I grew up in a public atmosphere, gave me a lot of opportunity to observe relationships. I saw how easily sincere intentions could be undermined by misunderstanding, and observed people abandoning their relationships because they didn’t know how to overcome their differences.
My career has been devoted to making my clients’ relationships flourish, both personally and professionally. One of my greatest joys is knowing that when I work with others on improving their relationship, the world changes for the better. This means, in some instances, giving children the gift of their parents getting along and thriving. Sometimes, it makes the workplace a better place to be. Other times, it means a more harmonious, loving and happy existence for a couple who don’t have children, or whose children have grown. It always makes me happy to witness the moment when people decide to do what it takes to make a great relationship.
We all want to have trust, respect, care and love, but which actual behaviors lead us to what we want? In school, we are taught sentence structure, algebra, geography, and (if we’re lucky) how to survive at recess. But there is no class on relationships, yet the world is built on relationships, which are the foundation for the rest of life. Relationships determine our success and fulfillment both personally and in our work.
I’ve come to believe that all coaching is relationship coaching. As a coach, I have witnessed many times how the insight and skills people gain, improves their whole life in ways they could never have seen coming. It’s such an honor to support people, to help them see what’s in their hearts, and to live in alignment with it.
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Paula Hemming is a Professional Certified Coach (PCC) with the International Coaches Federation (www.coachfederation.org) since 2000. She was president and program development chair of the Minnesota chapter. She received the Gaston Award (for service) for recruiting over 90 new members, and mentoring upcoming coaches. She has a master’s degree in counseling and psychotherapy, and was the director of a professional coach training program at Adler Graduate School.